WARNING
May Be Offensive To Some
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 lbs.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.
Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.
Q: How can you tell if your husband is dead?
A: The sex is the same but you get the remote.
Q: What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.?
A: It took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.
Q: Why did cavemen pull their women around by the hair?
A: Because if they pulled them around by their feet, they'd fill upwith
mud.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow.
Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What's the difference between a paycheck and your dick?
A: You don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
Q: What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?
A: Marriage.
Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: It's Braille for "suck here."
Q: If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you
done wrong?
A: Made her chain too long.
Q: How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Q: Why is a hurricane like a women?
A: It starts with a great blow, but when it's over your house and car are
gone.
Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Q. Why are men and parking spaces alike?
A. Because all the good ones are gone and the only ones left are disabled.
Q. Why are men like public toilets?
A. Because all the good ones are engaged and the only ones left are full
of crap.
Q. What have men and floor tiles got in common?
A. If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them
for life.
Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?
Q. What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
A. One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism.
Q. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
A. 1. No mind. 2. No business.
Q. Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
A. He knows firsthand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Q. Why are men like laxatives?
A. They irritate the shit out of you.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes
all their decisions.
Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.
Q. Why do men like masturbation?
A. Its sex with someone they love.
Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A. The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
Q. What is a man's view of safe sex?
A. A padded headboard.
Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
Q. Why did God create man?
A. Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q. Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A. So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.
Q. Why do men love computers?
A. No matter what mood they're in, they can still get a floppy in.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a computer?
A. A woman would never accept a 3 1/2 inch floppy!!
...and a computer can't turn a 3.5" floppy into a hard drive in a matter
of seconds.